Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I haz none. I want to do everything, be everyone, see everything. I am constantly inspired, but never act. I make time to sit down and act on inspiration and find none. Ideas constantly swim through my head, loaded with a long path to follow to take my ideas anywhere.

I want to make music all of the sudden. Me, who is musically retarded (the technical term). I took lessons for guitar a few years ago, don't remember a lick of it. I have trouble keeping a beat. My boyfriend tried to teach me, failed miserably. But music constantly flows through my head, it just doesn't translate back out of my fingers. Practically every style interests me in some way. Lyrics are few and far between. I believe in using them only as necessary. Music is more powerful when the sounds invoke emotions, instead of being TOLD what you should feel. It is more universal to not have a language barrier. Plus, I suck at poetry :p

I have been working on a screenplay/ novel for a long time... almost 10 years. It isn't even a rough draft. It is mostly just notes of what I *want* my little universe to look like, feel like, how the politics and technology works, random quotes, scenes, etc. All I will say about this one is it is sci-fi, but not really weird 'out there' stuff. I am aiming for a very believable, plausible future. No aliens, no strange technology. Just us, as we are... but later. Same bullshit, more powerful technology, bigger and more insidious power vacuums. An exploration into depraved spirals humanity and individuals take, the small and large signs of hope and humanity left, the everyday subliminal balance, delves into the depths of insanity amongst the chaos and uncertainty. Oh, and guns, actions, and awesome costumes and styles and eyecandy that I adore :D The subtext is thick as molasses in this piece. It is about me in many, many ways. My own head, how many different directions I am always in, and basically what this post is about... but dramatized and in the future :p It is like the 101 hats of kita...IN SPACE! It has a long way, and it is like my big, huge piece that I expect to spend another 10+ years on before I even get a rough draft I am happy with.

I also am bouncing around a TV show idea. It also is in the conceptualization stages, just random scenes and episode ideas, quotes, personalities, etc. This one would be the first one I would be able to get off between the two writing projects. It is broad enough to be able to have a writing staff help me with episodes and keep enough pumping out to produce regular episodes and seasons. I just need to get down the key 'main storyline' episodes that would drive the story forward. Once I get a main story and characters down, getting the rest of the show together is just a matter of finding someone to pick it up. It is a great show idea, appeals to a wide audience and the target demographic, is mostly comedy but with some RL drama and sad stuff mixed in. It is about everyday joes in settings that are decidedly less so... but still just 'life is funny like that'. I don't want to give my idea away, so I am being vague :p But this one is awesome!! I know comparing it to two wildly popular shows is just egotistical and ridiculous of me, but it is the closest hint I can give... my main inspirations are 'Scrubs' and 'That 70's Show'. There are particular things from both that are strong elements in this show... and I am trying to make it a gut buster like those two as well :p

Writing... in general. Like this blog. Yah. :|

I want to get into politics... because I have this naive idea that I can fix it all. Because I want to fix it all. I hate to see people suffer and fight, and to see the bullies get away with shit in front of our faces. I hate feeling helpless and so disconnected from my country, politicians, their decisions... They know SO LITTLE outside of how to play the game, they don't take the time to LEARN about the people and issues they are representing, or to LISTEN to those who know better! Because the money always has their ear first and foremost. And that KILLS me. Whether the politician is corrupt or not, the MONEY always gets their vote one way or another, whether through direct bribes and influence, or controlling the information trickled through to them. I have been a 'Non-Partisan' since I registered to vote. I won't be changing it in the foreseeable future. Y'all are being represented by idiots. And you are only part of the problem if you think *this* time, *your* candidate will be different than every OTHER disappointment from your party, or the other person's party. Which flavor of otter pop do you want, red or blue? Because the ingredients are identical, they just have different food colors in it. How about you try an apple for desert for once... because I can promise you the otter pop will always taste the same, and continue to give you the same result; a dyed tongue and a fat ass while leaving you feeling unsatisfied. But it is the one you have ALWAYS chosen, so why change? *sigh* I am tangenting and getting myself upset spinning my wheels on this one. I won't ever go anywhere with this, as much as I REALLY want to for the fact I am NOT a politician. I don't have vested interests. I vote with my brain, not my wallet, friend's best interest, or family tradition. I make a point to have far and wide interests in order to spread my spectrum of knowledge as far and wide as possible. It also gives me limitless ability to LEARN, GROW, and, most importantly, UNDERSTAND the information given to me.

I want to travel. A lot. I want to see EVERYTHING. I want to see ruins, forests, towns, cities, plays, concerts, EVERYTHING! I have left this timezone once when I was 14, and another time as I wandered around half the country for a month. That's it. You can see how well THAT is going...

Art... oh gawd where to begin with that! Paintings, in all levels of progression, from conceptual to needing a few final fixes. Undrawn LG comics. Helmet sculptures I want to make. General sculptures I have the parts for but don't know I want to make yet... *cough*

Sewing projects. I began curtains for blacking out our windows. Those WILL get finished by summer, because I will hate life if I don't :p Beyond that, I have some absolutely LUXURIOUS fabrics I bought 5+ years ago for some patterns I bought at the same time... and never made. I am too scared of messing up the nice stuff. My skills are teh suck, as is my machine. The curtains look like shit with all the snagged stitches where it bunched up etc. It is... an *antique*...

A garden... though I have started on that! I have grand ideas for it. I know they will all be forgotten as soon as I mess up the basics and get only two tomatoes for the season from my 8 tomato plants...

Video games, some that have been unopened for 5 years, waiting for me to sit still long enough to play them (or save up enough to buy a new PS2 to replace the one that shit out... >.<) Actually, I am not buying a PS2 on principle. Because I WANT a PS3, but NOT if it doesn't play PSone and PS2 games. What a crock of shit! *gives the finger to Sony* Ya, I haven't bought any of your fucking games since you jackasses did that. And I won't until you reintroduce backwards compatibility. Fuck you very much. I have been happily feeding my gaming budget to Blizzard, Nintendo, Valve, and smaller computer game companies. Suck it. When you guys crash and burn, I will be STILL ALIVE, playing games, laughing at your dumb asses for alienating your base for a few fickle casual gamers that are jumping off the Sony ship en masse. My favorite game companies and franchises will find new game company homes, so I am not at all worried, nor will I miss you. </3

Techie stuff. Began to learn how to code apps for android, got distracted and wandered away. Typical. I want to learn how to run servers and master linux. But I get distracted and wander away before I get far... Various editing tools on my computer I want to learn how to use. I know my way around photoshop well enough, I could be better. I need to learn vector. I have some 3D rendering stuff I want to learn. I have video and audio editors I want to learn. Etc, etc.

Cooking. There is a mile long list of recipes I want to try, I want to blog far more about cooking and get a cookbook going. I want to learn more advanced things, get better at baking (ESPECIALLY bread!!), etc. etc.

I know I forgot some, I will trip over some more on my way to bed. I can't look anywhere around where I live without seeing unfinished projects... it is horribly disheartening and frankly crippling. I don't have energy, I just feel sapped of motivation to work on them. So I waste my days... waiting... for something to change... maybe for myself to change... I don't know :/ Sometimes I wish I had someone who was super motivated around me to drag me along with them to experience life and rub some of their motivation off on me. Cause I wouldn't say no :)